WARNING! IF YOU ARE HERE LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS ABOUT WRESTLEMANIA, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT NOTHING ABOUT WRESTLING. BUT IT’S DAMN FUNNY TO WATCH.
I watched Wrestlemania for the first time in my life tonight. My roommate and best friend (two different people) are big fans so I’ve been hearing about it for weeks and weeks. I had to see what it was all about for myself.
My basic understanding of WWE wrestling is pretty low: big, oily, sweaty guys pick up and throw around other big, oily, sweaty guys. And there are elaborate stories that go along with each match, character, team, even company. Apparently. I don’t know much about any of it, so I’ve been getting some crash courses whenever I get together with Erin. I still don’t get it, per se, but when I went into it tonight, I at least had my bearings and even knew who some of the guys were.
The first major bout, the heavyweight championship between Sheamus (is the H in his name so that us dumb Americans can pronounce it correctly?) and Daniel Bryan was kind of a joke. It barely lasted 20 seconds. Seeing that for my first match was a little disappointing. Funny, but not terribly engaging.
I’m not live-blogging this, so I can’t remember the fights in order. Big Show (an enormous man who loves children in the most adorable way possible) fought Cody Rhodes. I don’t remember who won but seeing a little guy fight a bigger guy is always entertaining. The only thing better would have been midgets.
Fortunately, in the tag team fight, there was a midget. And that fight determined who owned wrestling? What? A bunch of guys beat up a different bunch of guys and their managers won the WWE. Huzzah!
Also, a big fence was dropped around the Undertaker (who’s still alive? And has no hair?) and Triple H. The Heartbreak Kid (I can’t remember his actual name) refereed and cried throughout. There were chairs and sledgehammers. And then the Undertaker won. He has a record of 20-0 Wrestlemania wins. Yay that guy!
The big match of the night (for Erin) was between CM Punk and Chris Jericho. My understanding of them is that one of them is a clone of the other and they are battling to prove who the original is. CM Punk won, so he must be the perfect specimen. Chris Jericho has a jacket that lights up, so you know. That.
The big match for everyone else was between John Cena and the Rock. Apparently they hate each other so this was a big deal. And after about a million minutes, the Rock won! And the crowd goes wild! Hooray wrestling!
Basically, it’s pretty entertaining to watch. If you want to read a real blog about wrestling, you should check out Ring Ramblings but maybe if I start watching it more, I’ll have more informed commentary on it. In the meantime, my final thoughts are: if you’re going to make it exciting and lay on the ground, don’t every single one of you wait until 2 1/2 seconds, taps, whatever to get away. Make it believable, guys. C’mon.