Sometimes I don’t talk about comics or TV. This is one of those times.
So, Jason Mraz is off again with his on again-off again lady friend, Tristan Prettyman. In an interview with Instinct magazine (which I’d never heard of until tonight while I was researching this annoying news), he discusses how much of an advocate for the gay community is and, as a result, it has put him at odds with Ms. Prettyman. This is not because she does not also believe in marriage equality but because he refuses to marry her until all the gays can have all the marriage.
He proposed to her. Like, picked out a ring (had it made, if Prettyman’s Tumblr is accurate) and gave it to her and asked “Will you marry me?” To me, that indicates that he wanted to marry her and not in a rhetorical way. He probably didn’t ask her “Hey, want to get married as soon as it’s equal for everyone, whenever that might be?” If so, then maybe Prettyman is being a little over-dramatic but somehow, I doubt it.
Look, don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the thought. You, Sarah Silverman, and Alyssa Milano should form a club. “Straights for Gays” or something. But, c’mon, what does refusing to get married actually do for the gay community. We want the right to share our love, to have a legal ceremony that says we are the same as everyone else on the planet and can have health care together and tax breaks and rings on our fingers that mean we’re off limits to people who suddenly find us more attractive because of said rings. But denying yourself a right you already have is just silly. We don’t want that. We want everyone to have marriage, not no one to have it.
You know what would be more helpful to the marriage equality fight? A big ol’ donation to the Human Rights Campaign. How about your attend some gay pride rallies, Mr. Mraz? How about you march on Washington when that comes around? Refusing to marry the woman you proposed to just proves that you don’t have a clue what marriage is all about. You don’t run away from the person you love. Period. Especially not claiming that it’s for us. The fight will go on with or without a ring on it, Mraz. It really will.
My heart hurts for Tristan Prettyman. When the man you love says “We eventually broke up and I think that was one of the factors. I am a stand for [marriage equality], as well as a number of causes, and I discovered that my partner wasn’t…” that’s pretty hurtful. It isn’t wrong for her to want all the things that marriage has to offer, especially when you offered it to her in the first place! It’s like dangling the carrot (heh, carat) over her head and then yanking it away after she’s already had the chance to nibble on it a while. It’s actually quite cruel. He could have shown his support for equality in other ways or, if he actually felt this strongly about it, he shouldn’t have proposed to her in the first place.
My suspicion? Cold feet and when you’re a celebrity, you can just pick up a cause to rally behind and hope that it hides the bad decisions you have to make. Jason Mraz isn’t a hero. He’s just a man who, while his intentions may sort of be in the right place, he’s choosing a very negative way to show it.
I love you, Tristan Prettyman. You made 23 years old the most wonderful year of my life. You deserve better and you will get it.
But for the love of God, take down that Tumblr post, you’re going to regret it in the morning.