Day 7: Least Favorite Male Character
It would be easy to name either Spike or Angel here. Very easy. In fact, I heavily considered it and that’s why there’s such a large gap between day six and day seven. And while I hate Angel far more than I hate Spike (Spike’s friendship with Joyce nearly redeems him for me), I couldn’t go for the easy answer. In a show about killing vampires, romanticizing two of the vampires (three if you count Dracula a little bit) just pisses me off.
Okay, Bachelor #1, I like long moonlit walks in cemeteries and if you do, too, I don't care that you're a killer by nature. Oh, Bachelor #2, you too? Well, there's plenty of love to go around.
You know what? Frak that. I hate Angel. Stupid, stupid Angel. I didn’t watch his stupid spin-off, I was annoyed throughout season 2 when he was the Big Bad, and every single reappearance of him throughout the series was just annoying. Except in the season 3 episode (remember, season 3 is my favorite) The Wish, where Cordelia wishes for a world without Buffy. Then super
hot sadist Willow tortures him like crazy in a dungeon, treating him like the dog he is. Sidenote: that episode also introduced Anya, who would have been my favorite character had it not been for Faith.
Why do I hate Angel so much? It’s not just that I don’t understand why Buffy, a VAMPIRE SLAYER, would fall in love with him. He is needlessly vague whenever he comes to assist her for any reason, he is all mopey about being
gay a vampire with a soul, he and Spike are all stupid over crazy, crazy Drusilla and he acts like having a trench coat prevents anyone from thinking that he’s a pansy. I got news for you, Angel. NOBODY’S FOOLED.
Even I can tell you're a pansy, and I sparkle.
Supposedly he’s been alive forever, being a badass called Angelus, causing all kinds of ruckus with Spike and Drusilla. If that’s the case, why does having a soul make you less badass? Once he got cursed by the gypsies, he turned into this whiney, sobbing neutered vampire. With a soul, he should use his vampiric powers to be a super hero, not a skulking, trench-coated freak show.
Oh, and having sex with Buffy is the happiest you can possibly be and, as such, whenever you do you lose your soul and become a heartless killer? That thing that apparently happens. Really? Your kryptonite is having sex with the love of your eternal life? So, are you a metaphor for how lame people are when they’re not doing it? That is a terrible message! You are a Lifetime movie waiting to happen, Angel. GAH. You got your own show and Faith should have (I know it was talked about/offered/whatever and it fell through… just feel my pain, world. Don’t correct me).
I thought I would be safe from Angel in Buffy Season 8 because he was owned by a comic company that’s not Dark Horse but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Now he stars in a comic WITH FAITH. IF I WANT FAITH ADVENTURES, I HAVE TO READ ABOUT ANGEL. ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!
When you're done with that, Faith, do me a favor and drown Angel. In holy water, of course. I know vampires don't breathe.
Meltdown ended. You can carry on with your lives.